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The Men's Code of Ethics

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STaRDoGG's picture
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Thought this would be great in an estrogen-centric forum. Big Grin




The Men's Code of Ethics

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Brokeback Mountain.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call Bullish
(Exception: When trying to pick up a woman, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent. i.e. It is completely acceptable to tell her you were once a roadie for Bon Jovi.)

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is five minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. Although you may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up together, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. Jump on the grenade!

12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return, is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem ... you didn't see nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pal's significant others ... low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.

18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

20. It is permissible to consume a fruity drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ... and it's free.

21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

23. If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good arse-whoopin'." Then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

26. Never talk to a man in the bathroom.

27. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him.

28. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "leave me alone!" you are absolved of your responsibility.

29. Under no circumstances are you allowed to buy Tampons or Maxi-Pads. The same goes for that Sam's Club sized pack of toilet paper with nothing else in your cart.

30. Your buddy's 16 year old daughter just leaned over with a low-cut skin tight shirt on, and skin-tight jeans that show her buttcrack? It didn't happen, just let it go. Using the mental image later however is optional.

I Averaged: 4 | 4 votes


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Re: The Men's Code of Ethics

This is great man. I have to say I agree with all of them, except maybe the cat one... But these are all unspoken man rules that every male knows, but few people can actually list. I love it.

I do have another one that goes with 26: If your in the bathroom, and there is a certain number of free urinals, then it is only proper to skip one between the other guy. Its just not right to take the urinal clostest to another guy if there is another free.

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Re: The Men's Code of Ethics
I'm pullin the bullsh!t card on several of these... as you knew i would. Here goes it...
#13 - Um, you have NEVER even eaten a wing, and I'm pretty sure I have more baseball knowledge than you. At least I know who owns my team! Charlie Manuel for the record.
#16 - You Heart Bubba and the girl (ok maybe not so much the girl), and also are quite fond of Purriwinkle
I have a few others I'd like to comment on but I'll be nice and not make you look bad Tongue


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Re: The Men's Code of Ethics

I'm not a guy, but even I have issues with number 21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Yeah prison is probably the worse place to fight naked....*lol*

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Re: The Men's Code of Ethics

ROFL So macho Cowboy

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Re: The Men's Code of Ethics

Laughing the hubby will get a kick out of this..

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Re: The Men's Code of Ethics

Ok this is funny but I think you are so busted on the owning a cat - is that a rip in your man card? Also shouldn't this also say something about guys who love enjoy girly movies (the Notebook) and a good cry? Also need we say anything about the fruitcake lovers?

haha remember that one stardogg? Oh yeah bet all the phrozen gang are getting a good giggle out of that one - Laughing

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Re: The Men's Code of Ethics
ROFL See.... I left out some stuff.... SmartMom, not so much Tongue
I still have 1 or 2 I'm keeping quiet Big Grin


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Re: The Men's Code of Ethics

hehehe we Heart stardogg

Don't worry my hubby breaks a ton of these rules. In fact two or three years ago I sat in the living room watching the Superbowl (since I love football) and well my hubby was watching a "great" western in the bedroom. He got about 1/2 way into the western (the same one he claimed to be such a great movie) only to discover it was Brokeback mountain. He had that deer in the headlights look. I laughed so hard I about peed my pants - he will never live that one down. I mean really what is wrong with that picture - wife watches the superbowl and husband watches brokeback mountain - Laughing

Re: The Men's Code of Ethics

Aww, smartmom is just a cover up for the hubby! Poor smartmom. Does he share umbrellas with other guys? Talk to guys in the bathroom? FIGHT NAKIE???? *gasp*

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Re: The Men's Code of Ethics

Ummm not sure if he shares umbrellas or talks to other guys in the bathroom. He does fight naked but not with other guys Wink

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