The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can
run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.. I am
very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I
also know that sticking tails straight ou! t and ha ving
tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the
bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage
to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine,
meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in
an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same
door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go
smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this
enough.