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Goodbye Momma

James Clerk's picture

As I lay awake in bed, I realize that I really don't want to write a blog this week... Maybe if it had been writen early in the week, but not now. Not after the loss of a mentor and friend. Yet I realize that I would be breaking my own goal of writing one blog a week only two weeks in. I also realize that I wouldn't be doing Deb any justice by simply tossing aside my thoughts and feelings about her. Afterall, she always encouraged me to do what I felt was right, and to never let anything stop you... It just wouldn't be right. So here I am, unsure of where this writing will lead... If you want to listen to some saddened ramblings, then feel free to stick around. Because everything will be pure and from the heart.

For those who have no idea, Deb was my French teacher in high school. I had the pleasure of having her class three times. While I didn't try as hard as I should have to learn the language she taught me...... Alright, I really didn't try at all. Yet I still feel like a walked away a much more intelligent person, despite my not knowing a snail from a slug, muchless how to order them in France. She was quite young, and fell victim to double pnemonia. She fought and fought, but after a month, lost her battle. She died around the noon hour on 10/9/09. I think I'll always remember where I was when I found out... I was watching the Toy Story double feature, and embracing my inner child, when I felt my phone vibrate near the end of the second movie. I waited until all the bloopers ended (yeah, bloopers in an animated movie makes no sense to me either), and then pulled out my phone to see an email update explaining that she had lost her battle. I believe my driving became worst then usual as I tried to drive home with tears in my eyes. I felt like it wasn't fair after she fought so hard for so long. She was so long, and so full of life... And she was such an inspiration to us all. I don't think I was able to calm down until I got home, checked facebook, and saw that a teacher posted that Deb must be drinking a nice red wine in heaven right now..... Anyone that knew her could totally see her toasting her glass of wine with Jesus. She was strong in her faith, so I could take comfort in the fact that she is in a better place now, and out of pain.

You might ask why this teacher was so special. I have to ask you: Have you ever been called a cretin before? If you were a student, Deb would jokingly call you a cretin. Now, how many people actually know what the word means? I actually looked it up tonight and found that it comes from a French word (imagine that), and that it means " a deformed and mentally retarded person." Thank you for that Deb. We loved you too. :-P

You have to know that Deb was known far and wide for her sarcasm. You could only take anything that she said at face value, and even then had to know never to take offense to anything she said.

You might still be asking yourself why she was so well loved if she was sarcastic and believed children to be retarded... I think the answer is found in the nickname she had: momma. She was like a mother to us all. If we needed advice, she was the one to come to. Just needed someone to talk to? Momma was the answer. Needed a laugh? Hands down, momma could cheer up anyone. Her smile and laugh were just contageous. She was smart, and her intelligence went past book smarts: She knew people. She knew food. And wine. Lots of wine. And she loved a good massage.

Momma and I shared a great passion, and that was for travel. I would like to share my last memory that I have of momma... See, I had gone overseas on a 4 week trip. This trip included 9 days in Egypt. Momma was fasinated that I would be going to such an exotic country, so I made a note to bring her back a gift. While I was over there, I saw the ulgyiest thing I have ever seen: A $1 camel doll that looked like it was made from used bandaids. I can't describe just how ugly this thing was. And when I saw it, I knew it was perfect for momma. See, her and another teacher had a competition to find the most tacky gift possible on vacation, and always try to one-up the others last gift. I saw this camel, and knew I just won. I got back to the states, and brought it to her.... She loved it. Her eyes lit up, and she couldn't stop laughing. She thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Mickey the camel became my parting gift to momma... And I'm glad that ugly camel could leave me with such a happy final memory of momma... My only regret is that I wasn't around more.

Momma was a unique person... One of those rare people put on earth to touch lives and bring happiness to all those around. She was an inspiration to what I wanted to become in life, and she was the rock that I needed in hard times. She was a mother, a lover, and a saint............. And I loved her. We all did....... And always will.

If there is a lesson to be had, remember how short life is. Momma thought she had a cold, and two days later was on life support. Never put off going see an old friend because you are too busy... Because you never know what life has in store. Always try to smile, because you never know who you could touch. Never take life too seriously, and have fun with it. And always have a good wine selection for every occasion.

God rest your soul momma. I just know you're drinking away up there, watching us right now, free of pain. Just know we love you, and always will..... And I can't wait to tell you all my travel stories when we meet again inside those beautiful gates of gold.

I love you.

James.

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Smartmom's picture
From:
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Smartmom
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Re: Goodbye Momma

Some how James in the busyness of yesterday and my son's birthday I missed this blog. I am truly sorry James for your loss. Obviously Deb touched your heart. Since we're friends on facebook I have seen your posts and I know her services were today. I know that you also were able to read at her services. I know how your words not only touched her when she was alive but her family in her passing. Your words were comfort to her family. I think as much as she gave to you in her life you gave to her family in her passing.

I am sorry today has been a hard day. I think she will always have a special place in your heart just as I'm sure there is now a angel in heaven now watching over you. So hugs to you my friend today. Big Hug


Re: Goodbye Momma

Today has been a very odd day... The funeral is tomorrow, by the way. Tonight was the wake.

I got a call first thing this morning from subway. Apparently one of my former teachers saw me at work, and tried to reach me there. My co-worker took down the number, and relayed it to me. I called, and was told that the poem (found at the bottom) that I wrote on her Caringbridge site was printed off and taken to the hospital, where it was read to her and her brother. We'll never know if she actually heard it, but it meant the world to me to know that the words had reached her ears. She told me that her brother broke down and cried for the first time at the hospital, and that the family was so touched that they wanted me to speak at the funeral...

At the wake tonight, I found out I would be reading a passage that she wrote for her autobiography on the school website. Her brother hugged me like he had known me for years, and I thanked him for the chance to be able to speak at the funeral... He said that after he heard that poem, he knew that the honor would be the families, and that he had been truly touched by what I wrote. He then asked me if it wasn't too personal, would i rad the poem, and of course I accepted......

This is the first time that my writing has ever affected anyone like this... I really don't know what to say except that if I never go anywhere else in life, I can say that I actually had an effect on someones life...... And that means more to me then words can describe. Now I am going to be a part of the caravan from the funeral home to the church with the rest of the family, an honor I could never expect..... I'm still speechless.

---When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.---

Smartmom's picture
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Smartmom
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Re: Goodbye Momma
James Clerk wrote:

This is the first time that my writing has ever affected anyone like this...

That you know of for sure. Somehow James I think your writing has touched others though the years in ways you don't know. Anyone can take a pen in hand to write but only true artists can make the words speak from the heart. You my friend are a true artist.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. God bless you James Big Hug


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Re: Goodbye Momma

James that is written so lovely....I am sure she would be happy and proud of you for always being able to put words so well together!! She sounds like she was lovely fun loving person!

GeekGirl's picture
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Re: Goodbye Momma
James i'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was such an inspiring and caring person for you and others, and will continue to be in your heart for a long, long time.
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PartyLizard
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Re: Goodbye Momma

Hi James

I was moved by your tribute to this lady. It was such hart touching essay that I had tears in my eyes reading it.

My condolensis and warmest sympathy for you. I will be thinking of you over the next few days becuase
I am sure it will not be easy.

PL

Re: Goodbye Momma

Thank you all. She was laid to rest today in a beautiful service that had the church overflowing.

---When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.---

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