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Life is too short...

James Clerk's picture

Life is too short. I know that this is something that we all know, but death has a way of sneaking up on you.

I wouldn't call myself an expert in death, but I must admit that it is something that I've given a lot of thought to. Back in one of my english classes for college, I studied the work of Elizabeth Kubler-ross and her 5 stages of dying. Due to the nature of the course, I ended up analyzing these 5 stages much more then I ever would have wanted to. I focused a lot on what goes through the mind of someone who is dying and also what goes through the families mind, and how frequently those two thoughts are a lot alike. I have the final essay I wrote for the class, and you can read it here on my site. Anyway, I've anylized and thought about death more then most people ever want to do, and I've come to believe strongly in the model that kubler-Ross developed. I also think that death always affects us the same and that it is something that we can never fully understand, therefor it is always on our minds.

It's 1:32 in the morning, and I'm typing this on an iPhone note, so forgive my rambling. It's just with the sickness of angel, I'm forced to recall how precious life really is. Since I'm religious, I know that the lord givith and the lord takeith away. I guess my point is, we never know when death can occur. I recently recieved news that one of my old high school buddies was killed in a car wreck. And three high school seniors were killed in a car wreck here just weeks before graduation this year. People get sick. People get old. Accidents happen. Yet when death comes upon us, there is nothing we can do.

So, I guess I'm saying to always remember to live everyday like it's your last. Enjoy life, and try to have as few regrets as possible, for tomorrow you might bot get the chance to fix them. And alays remember, no matter how bad things get, always ALWAYS remind your family and friends that you love them and tell them what they mean to you. It's like the saying, "Never go to bed mad." you never know if you'll get to say sorry the next morning. And no one wants to have to live forever knowing that the last thing you said to someone was ugly. I remeber having a childhood friend who had a fight with their father, and they let him walk out the door without trying to patch things up. The father went out, went to the store, and then his heart exploded in the parking lot and he was killed instantly. I still talk to that friend, and anytime we talk about the past, he always mentions the regret he has in not patching things up before his dad left for the day.

So, moral of the story is, if you're mad at anyone right now, walk away from the computer and patch it up. I'm about to take my own suggestion and email someone who hurt me 7 months ago, someone I haven't talked to since, and try and clear the air. I would hate to look back 20 years from now and only remember the terrible things we said to each other the last time we talked....... It's hard, but there are two things that we have to accept in life: One, everyone dies in their own time, and there is nothing we can do to stop it. And second, everyone will mess up eventually, and it takes a lot of strength to move on and make up.

I leave you now with a thought from kubler-Ross and why she did the research she did... And what we can gain from thinking about, and being around death. Thank you, all my friends, for making my life better.

"I guess there's no way to learn but the hard way. That's the way I had to learn. My best teachers were my dying patients. If you dare to get involved, if you dare to sit down and help them go through the stages of dying, they will help you learn not only to become comfortable in caring for them, but also to face, one inescapable day, your own death with dignity. That is, perhaps, their "good-bye gift" to you”

~James~

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Smartmom's picture
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Re: Life is too short...

What a great blog and yes you are right life is too short and at any moment it can be gone. I dunno I was always taught don't go to bed angry because you never know but that doesn't always work. In the last few years I look back on the funerals of loved ones we have buried. The last 5 funerals we went to 3 were way to young to die.
Stacey was 40, she had surgery went home and died from a blood clot, she was a mom of 3 - too young to die
Amanda was 21, she was killed in a DUI accident, she wasn't drinking the other cars driver was. She was killed along with her 21 yr old single mom roommate - too young to die
Tim - he was 42 and after his second round of cancer died a horribly slow death yet he fought so hard to live in the end (while in hospice) he embraced death and welcomed it (he was a Christian), the fight was done - too young to die.
All three of those deaths have made me stop to think about life and how short if can be. How you can't take things for granted. God forbid I should ever die my kids will know that there mom loves them. I tell my kids daily more then once that I love them. I'm also a big into hugs, I hug my kids all the time. Granted I'm not going anywhere but you never do know.

Pets are hard James I know. Its not like you can sit down and tell them or they tell you but even with out words they know you love them and they love you. When we lost our Bonnie I was so incredibly sad, my one son was inconsolable over her passing (she was his cat). Her death was kinda sudden. She had a stroke, I didn't know cats could have those. We rushed her to the vet when we found her not able to walk. We did alot to try and save her and in the end I think we only prolonged her agony/death. To this day that still bothers me but we were just so not ready to let her go, in the end she still passed. We have her brother cat Clyde. He was a wreck after she died, he knew. Its sad until then I didn't really think about animals mourning but they do. It was very evident in Clyde. My cats are indoor cats and he never goes out. After she died he would run out and sit on her grave, it was the saddest thing ever. I took a picture of him sitting there. He would just sit and I let him. I think he needed to say goodbye. OMG I'm crying like a baby writing this

Re: Life is too short...

Awwwww. I can relate with the people lost. Like I said, it always hits you and makes you think when things happen. About how short life is... Really, I dunno what exactly brought on the blog, but I typed the whole thing on my iPhone in the middle of the night... But it does make you think.

Cats are really smart, and I'm positive thats what happened with the brother cat. Angel is outdoors, and she always used to sleep in the closed in garage... Now that we took her to the vet, its like she knows that she is about to die. She's only been coming around to get food. At night, she is no where to be found... Like she wants to be outdoors, maybe meet up with other cats, say her goodbyes? I have no idea where she goes, but I have a feeling she knows her time is coming, and she is saying goodbye somehow. I know that animals usually drag themselves off to die, but I don't think thats what she doing.... *shrug* I guess we all have a process that we go through when the end is near... Try to make peace with ourselves. Say our last goodbyes. Yet for all the people we know that were taken early in their lives, they didn't get that... Death is such a mystery for us. And like Kubler-Ross talked about in her writings, when we have advanced notice to our death, such as when someone finds out they have terminal cancer, they go through the same process as everyone else. As do the people on the other side, like the family. Death is such a curious thing....

I guess in the end, we can only hope that, no matter what you believe in, that loved ones have met a better ending. That those taken early will get to have a greater life beyond this one, may it be as an animal, someone else, an angel, whatever you believe. Since we can't stop death, the most we can hope for is some sort of closure and betterment.

P.S. I would like to believe that our beloved pets go to a better place too... maybe not Heaven, persay, but a place of happiness after death. Where the grass is always green, ample food, and beautiful warm days are ahead.

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Re: Life is too short...

Ya know James you said in your blog that you are religious, I am too. I think when you believe in God that you do have somewhat of a inner peace with death. No its not easier but I think there is that hope that one day you will see them again. Atleast for me there is that. I'm not saying that to be preachy but its just how I feel. My one friend Tim I know that was his peace in the end, he would talk about it. He was 42 but he looked like he might as well have been 142, he was skin and bones and his hair was mostly gone. He was ready and prior to his dying he was looking forward to it. He had that inner peace, he said his good-byes and he was looking forward to seeing those who he had loss in the past and he was looking forward to no more pain. As sad as his funeral was it really was a celebration of his life and I'm so glad I was a part of his life. When he was dying he took up painting and he painted me this beautiful picture that I treasure. On the back of is I have the card he wrote me and my husband, he died shortly after painting it.

I guess tonight I'll hug my kids a little tighter and say I love you one more time.

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Re: Life is too short...

that picture almost made me cry Sad

JC, beautiful writing as always...I'm so sorry about Angel...perhaps you can take comfort in knowing that she lived a happy kitty life with a family and a home...

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Re: Life is too short...
Aww poor kitteh, I just wanna give him a hug right now Sad

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Re: Life is too short...
Very well written James, and its all too true, we really need to live each day to the fullest although sometimes its hard. I just recently lost a good friend to cancer, he died way too young and I still can't really believe hes gone.

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Re: Life is too short...
Very well said James. This hit home to me as I just recently lost my mom. My mom had been sick for a while and not realizing until I read your blog she did make peace with everyone in her life and even arranged all her paperwork and left everything so well organized for me. My mom and I always had a great relationship and could talk about anything but the hardest conversation we had was the one where she told me what she wanted when things got bad for her. She had thought it out and wanted me too know what she wanted I believe not only to make things easier for herself but for me also. My mom had a great life but one that was way to short, I miss her terribly. Thanks for writing this blog everyone should make a copy of it and read it from time to time, no truer words have been spoken here.

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Re: Life is too short...

Aww, I'm glad you got something out of the blog.... Your mother was very lucky that she got the chance to tie all the loose ends.

Re: Life is too short...

I'm curious. did anyone follow the linky link and read my paper on the Kubler-Ross model?

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